[Story] 23 Male, I decide to turn my life around

Submitted by Paulchamp56 t3_11xic21 in GetMotivated

This post will be my accountability. I'm a 23 year old man, my entire life I was a shy boy, but somehow I was very popular in school, I was always the leader in my groups, and smart and mature man. Time went by and at 17 I met a girl, perfect love story, but little did I know that the girl would be the one to destroy me, you see, even though I was a cool boy, I never realized the trauma that was inside of me since I was a kid, until she left me, she was a gelous narcissist, pushed everyone, and every great opportunity from me, she wanted me to be hers, and hers only. Didn't let me grow, and was promoting only bad stuff in my life. Well, she loved me until I became complecent, procrastinating, without a purpose, and I was enjoying that. When she left me after 5 years, it completely broke me, destroyed my heart, my confidence, my will power. After a while I became again the cool guy that I was, but I still had all the negative traits that she left me with. I finished college but I don't plan on doing what I studied. After a year, I went abroad, went through some hard times, nearly lost my sight, my life, I lost like 20 kg, but I was working like crazy. Came back home after 6 months, with some good money for my country, but everything was changed, I was changed, I didn't find joy in beeing the cool guy anymore, I became less talkative, addicted to weed, and procrastination. In the mean time, all my friend have surpassed me, they all have good jobs, girlfriends, and seem to be happy (which I'm very happy for them). But I'm empty inside, I need a spark, when I was a kid, I was an insanely productive, I remember that for the summer vacation in the third grade, the teacher gave us a 500 page book with math exercises, it had to be done in 3 months until the next semester, and I did it in 1 day, the day that he gave it to us, I hated to not do everything as fast as possible, but now, I'm just a shadow of that kid, I'm lazy, scared of everything that would have a chance to fail. I'm still scared of seeing pictures of my ex with her current bf, because I think that would fuck me up. So to end this post, I will become that kid again, I will not touch weed as often as I do now, I plan on becoming a programmer, and I will succed on that, I have money to live for like 8 months, my parents will not help me anymore, which is the right call by them. This post is my accountability it would probably not get any attention but it s OK, I wrote it for me, and I will replay again after 8 months, and see my progress

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wagglemonkey t1_jd3560o wrote

Bro I was so lost at 23 and thought I’d fucked everything up and that life would pass me by and I would be a failure. At 28 that all seems so fucking silly. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to make small and sustainable changes (stopping weed during the daytime hours is a good start)

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Paulchamp56 OP t1_jd3xufz wrote

Days go by, and things don't change, I'm the only one responsible for my life and what it can be. Thank you very much for the support, I really appreciate it

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HeftySkirt617 t1_jd4slug wrote

Just came to add a reminder: there is no one coming to rescue you if SHTF.

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ComfortableTrash5372 t1_jd69b8t wrote

this right here my man, the difference between a person who smokes during the day and a person who smokes only at night is, well, night and day. leave your daytime hours to ambition and dreams and fall into a cozy shmizzle as you reflect on what you’ve done that day. i promise it feels much better that way.

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No-Significance7032 t1_jd4hrp0 wrote

Respect brother, I’m 26 going thru that right now, just keep your head up

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tisBondJamesBond t1_jd5buyo wrote

In the ~6 months since I've turned 23, I have lost around 30lbs myself. I was heartbroken from a woman I liked leaving me and turned that into the gym. If I can do it (and boy did I believe I could not do it), there is nothing stopping you from doing it. It is not easy, boy is it not. But man, it is WORTH it. Seeing the number tick down is so rewarding. I hope you can find something similar in your journey.

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Babelight t1_jd56voi wrote

Good work, lad. You are setting yourself up for an amazing existence.

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kadala_burfi t1_jd3km2r wrote

Hope you achieve your transformation and goal soon my friend. You aren't alone, there are people like you in the world. We do think of the past and try to become better, start now and have consistency so you can grow in the right way. Keep in mind, some small improvement daily is better than none and at the same time there will be days where you'll be down, don't give up yet, just think that you have a stranger here who is rooting for your success.

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Paulchamp56 OP t1_jd3xn7h wrote

Thank you very much, I hope you have a wonderful life ahead of you

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sloshedbanker t1_jd5f7mi wrote

I went back to school at 23 :)

You'll do great

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PT-PUPPET t1_jd51x2d wrote

Did the same thing at your age, went from “ terminally I’ll” drug addict living at home to owning a home, dream job, partner, pets and driving within 3 years. The best advice I can pass on that someone gave me was give yourself the kinda effort you’d give everyone else in your life who needs your help, you deserve everything you give out.

Wish you all the best and any questions please reach out. You got this 🙏

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avsavsavs t1_jd5gbl7 wrote

it sounds like you may have some situational depression...consider communicating w ur health care provider about this...maybe short term depression med will give you the sustained boost u need to make this positive outlook a reality...either way, one day at a time...u got this

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Paulchamp56 OP t1_jd5hoiy wrote

I've been through depression, I know what it's like, i belive I can go through it again if that's the case, the thing is, after my ex left me, I became obsessed with psychology, how our brain works, how we can become better as lover, friend, son. I think I have a very clear idea of how people "function", that's why most of the time, I'm like the" psychiatrist " for my friends, I can give great advice, but I won't apply them for myself (ironic). My biggest problem right now is the path that I want to follow and stick to it, I don't want to procrastinate as much as I do now. It's a constant battle with my brain, and I have to take control over it. I wanna thank you for your advice, and at the same time, I hope you have an amazing life

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GeneSpecialist3284 t1_jd5o2ul wrote

Personally, I function better when I have deadlines. Even if I make them myself, put them in my calendar. Being accountable to someone who is going to ask you what you've gotten done is helpful If they aren't obnoxious about it.

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Sufficient_Tower_366 t1_jd724t8 wrote

I definitely would consider seeing a psychologist (if u haven’t already). You sound like u think very deeply about things which is really powerful but sometimes overthinking can jamb u up and just need to unscramble. Potentially ADHD (distractive) might be a factor for u if you flip between being insanely productive on things that you connect with but struggle with motivation / procrastination if it’s not that interesting to you.

Overall, take it easy dude, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves in our late-teens and twenties. You have decades left of your life to work it out.

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spiltmilo t1_jd6h30a wrote

I'm 32 this year and only just starting sorting my life out in my early 20s I was in jail, by 23 I was injecting drugs got sober after a while but once I hit 30 I realised alot of the mistakes and laziness. Now I'm pretty much sober (medically prescribed weed) and the occasional once or twice a year party where I will really enjoy myself. And I'm a mature aged apprentice for a very prestigious company in my country and state. At tafe the teachers and the students go on about how lucky I am to be where I am working. I had to leave my home town and sell all my belongings to move to the city though

Never give up mate things will work out but you have to push hard and never give up there were so many times I almost gave up getting fucked around with interviews and dtuff like that but I just wouldn't take no for an answer and kept applying and looking and trying until i got to where I an now

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bbalcrazy92 t1_jd51uqw wrote

you can do it bro. I've been in your position and won. you got this

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jacob-0611 t1_jd5d0r8 wrote

at least your trying to turn it around...

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BrothaBuddhaX t1_jd5jydp wrote

Good for you, self improvement is always important and you have realized that while you are still young which is fantastic. Just remember, that in life there will be ebbs and flows, it is not a straight forward path and no one person will travel it the same as another. So try not to compare your situation to your friends, you aren't behind, you are on your own unique path. Keep that mindset you have, hold yourself accountable, and continue to try to be a better person every day, and you can't fail.

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deThurah t1_jd5el81 wrote

Yeah go for it, man

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Gym_goer65 t1_jd5ms0h wrote

Proud of you for wanting to grow… I’ve struggled for awhile, some of it unknowingly to myself. But struggled with relationships. Recently had a girl in my life who I thought maybe things would workout with but it didn’t. We weren’t ready and there was no budging her to maybe try again which threw me into a depressive state

I’ve struggled with living for myself, but I just started to make a change as well. Wish you nothing but the best

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Froggy_Dude t1_jd5urwe wrote

I was way worse off with much less hope and turned it around through not giving up. Channel that depression into hard work and let the satisfaction from that drive you. Make sure you're on a good sleep routine too

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GottaFeelAbundant t1_jd7udrn wrote

After reading your story, I just want to share mine. I think you'll be surprised :)

I was never a popular kid until I was 16, then I started boxing, disciplined myself, I was very careful about my self care. My self confidence started to grow, I started to feel like I am capable of doing everything. When I was 17, I had my first gf in my life. She was very problematic, while I was taking care of her, handling situations, keeping her any my siht togeter, she was periodically mentioning her ex and comparing me to him. At some point I realised that it is hurting me and making me feel not good enough, so I dumped her. This realationship took 6-7 months of my life. That year was my year to prepare for collage. I fucked it up, so i decided to give it another try next year.

Approximately 3 months later when I am 18, I met with this girl, she was the most beautiful girl in the school, every guy was hitting on her and she was hitting on me. We started dating, which eventually turned into a 5 year relationship. 4 years of it was from distance. She was just as jealous as yours, she was constantly downgrading me to keep me. I was a loyal boyfriend all my collage life long. But I was constantly being accused of disloyalty etc. She was jealous and insecure, she also had anxiety. So as a good boyfriend, I was trying to avoid situations which may upset her and trigger her anxiety. Before I decide to do this for love, I was a popular, handsome man with masculine energy, who felt like he is capable of doing anything that he puts on his mind. Then my popularity, my masculinity, my capability, my self confidence started to fade slowly, without me even realising it. I was constantly getting gaslighted. When she finished consuming and downgrading me to a level where I was not a good fit for her anymore, she cheated on me for a year and dumped me in the first day of us meeting after 6 months.

I was devastated, when she dumped me I was 23, and as a 23 year old man I felt like a 15 year old child. All the charm, all the perks that I have gained when I was 16 to 18 were gone. I had no girl friends around, I havent been speaking with opposide gender for the last 3 years or so. I had no fucking idea about how to flirt, how to date, how to speak with a girl anymore. She basically took everything from me. It took 2 months to get my shit together. I started grinding again. I started training again, started to take care of myself again etc... After 4 months, I started to have the same energy, same aura, same confidence again. I found myself again. I was not picked by ladies, I was the one who was picking again. Then I met with an another girl who did not have the shitty qualities of my ex. She was beutiful, she was a nice person, she was sexy, she had much more similar world-view with me. But this time, she had dad issues. She was insecure. In those 3 years I had 1000 times more fun with her compared to my ex. But still, that insecurity turned into jealousy, but this time around I was smart. I was not going to restrain myself this time. But the fuck sake, pandemic started!

I graduated from civil engineering in pandemic. But I was not able to find a job and start working due to lockdown. I was stuck inside my fucking house for 6-8 months. We were still together with her. But thanks to pandemic and lockdown, I was isolated once again. While I was isolated her jealousy and attempts of downgrading me became effective. After 3 years of relationship, she found a bullshit excuse to dump me, this time I took it well though and immediately started working on myself. At that time I decided that I do not want to be a civil engineer and registered into a 8 month JAVA programming bootcamp. I am at the 7th month of it right now. I am hitting to gym for 5 months, I started socialising again etc.

I am 26 right now. I have fallen twice, I have recovered twice, got up stronger twice! You know what they say, third time's the charm. When you hit rock bottom you know there is one direction to go. Stay strong, stay disciplined, focus on your mission, focus on your ultimate goal. Climb the stairs of your path to success. Do not try to calculate how much steps left, it doesn't matter. Just go one more step each time and eventually, you will achieve your dreams! In the meantime enjoy the journey, not the destination! Enjoy and embrace the grind, pain and suffering you are going through, because that makes the difference between a boy and a man.

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PT-PUPPET t1_jd51y1k wrote

Did the same thing at your age, went from “ terminally I’ll” drug addict living at home to owning a home, dream job, partner, pets and driving within 3 years. The best advice I can pass on that someone gave me was give yourself the kinda effort you’d give everyone else in your life who needs your help, you deserve everything you give out.

Wish you all the best and any questions please reach out. You got this 🙏

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BrothaBuddhaX t1_jd5jzor wrote

Good for you, self improvement is always important and you have realized that while you are still young which is fantastic. Just remember, that in life there will be ebbs and flows, it is not a straight forward path and no one person will travel it the same as another. So try not to compare your situation to your friends, you aren't behind, you are on your own unique path. Keep that mindset you have, hold yourself accountable, and continue to try to be a better person every day, and you can't fail.

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DanZembsch t1_jd62g4x wrote

You got this kid. Just by writing what you did shows a lot of maturity. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is, don't hang with people that will bring you down and put on the peer pressure. I wish you the best!

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ChildrenotheWatchers t1_jd6483v wrote

I think that you have a good plan. Once you are feeling like you have things settled and you have made the improvements you want to see in your life, be cautious and discerning about dating. Women aren't all no-good. People of both genders are susceptible to overlooking character flaws in those they are attracted to. It is human nature.

You will eventually find someone better, and you will later see that the first relationship was not that great. Early relationships are often shallow and don't withstand the winds of change. Too many get married too young, then wonder why they can't get along when the passion is gone.

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justa_cata t1_jd64lhn wrote

Go for it! Sometimes we ourselves are the limit, try and get better inside and out, a great future is waiting for you!

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bizguyforfun t1_jd653j3 wrote

Hard to read your story, even harder that you don't know spelling or how to properly frame paragraphs ! Not being mean, just a tip!

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ArgonautYZ t1_jd6kxo9 wrote

"Consistent effort is best no matter how little", I feel you, good luck.

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Important-Nobody-Hi t1_jd6o44o wrote

You going look back at this in 5 years and be like wtf was I going through. You going be good my guy. Keep pushing.

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_Ozeki t1_jd6ss9v wrote

When I was 23, some 30.years ago, I stopped partying/going to club.

It's good that you find the will to change your situation.

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human-ish_ t1_jd6ygk6 wrote

You are 23. You have a whole life to look forward to and this is an excellent time to learn and grow. I swear I had no idea who I was until I was 30, and even then, everyday I'm finding something new about myself.

I hope in 8 months, you look at this post again and just say wow. Not in a good way or a bad way, just admiring how far you've come. And don't forget to stop and smell the roses along the way.

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Then_Sympathy t1_jd71w3n wrote

Been there, done that, I trust your potential !

I was smoking weed all day long for the exact same reasons, had the exact same feeling. It can be done, you can do it, go conquer !

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YourWiseOldFriend t1_jd3vgg7 wrote

Stay the fuck away from women, man. They're our ruination!

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Paulchamp56 OP t1_jd3y1b0 wrote

That's my plan, I won't date until I m in a better state. Thank you for your response

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